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The sun, she always rises

Posted on March 2, 2012

It’s 4am. I’m awake. I’m cold, I’m restless. My mind is working like a navvy, churning, burning kilojoules as it labours through the what-ifs, the maybes, the wherefores, the no-ways. In those dark hours, every bad thing that has ever happened to me, to the world, slips frame-by-frame through my memory banks. Every bad thing that could ever happen to my children, to the world, clanks through my imagination in heavy boots.

“I should get up, write things down,” I think.

Toss.

“Oh God, it’s 4.03, I have to get up in three hours.”

Turn.

My muscles clench, my toes curl. My eyelashes are entwined with my brows, so open are my eyes. Every noise outside is magnified. Every creak indoors enhanced. Somewhere, in another room, a child coughs. I freeze, waiting for further cries. Nothing. And yet I lie stiff, ready for action, thoughts in turmoil.

And then, I see it. Sliding under the bedroom door, slipping through the cracks in the venetians.

A new day.

The sun, she always rises. As long as she continues to do so, there is always hope.

I sigh. I roll over. I drift back to sleep.

Mum was right. Everything does look better in the morning.

I’m joining in with Eden’s Fresh Horses. Just because I can. You should too.

Edenland's Fresh Horses Brigade
[image: theberry.com]

27 Comments

  1. River

    When I was very young, up until about 8 I think, my Dad used to request this song be played for me on the radio on my birthdays.
    I’m often awake at 4am, but I’ve learned to just roll over and get back to sleep, now that I don’t start work at 6am anymore.

  2. Rhianna

    Beautiful post. I love the the start of the day as well, well mostly 😉

  3. Twitchy

    Writerly you are! Gorgeous words. I also feel the what-ifs creeping in at night, all the horrible possibilities…will this be the last day I still have (insert grandparent, dog, etc) with me? But still I am a night person; I revel in all its selfish solitude and stillness.

  4. Kate

    Adore this Al. I’m a chronic insomniac, but those first rays of light fill me with hope no matter how exhausted I may be.

  5. MultipleMum

    God. That is my problem. I am sleeping through the sun! Best I get up earlier. More fabulous writing. Less churning please x

  6. Mama of 2 boys

    A beautiful piece of writing. You’re right though, everything does seem dark and heavy in the dead of night. Amazing how thoughts and fears seem to rush to the surface during those *sometimes* wakeful hours. Mum’s are so clever, mine has always said the same thing xo

  7. Eccentricess

    Lovely. Beautifully written and I could feel your joy when the sun said it’s morning hello.
    I agree, things are easier to face in the daylight.

  8. Deb @ Bright and Precious

    Firstly, I don’t know how I’ve never discovered your blog before. It’s beautiful. Secondly, I love your words. New days are so full of hope. You’ve expressed this so beautifully.

  9. Maxabella

    You know I am often lying beside you, far away, waiting for the same sun. x

  10. Seana Smith

    Hello Al, for years I did the 3am or 4am wake up call and just had to get used to some bloody early nights to cope. That’s when I started reading e-books, first on a PDA then on Kindle app for iPhone. I could read in bed without waking up the snoozing hubby – fantastic. Eventually learned to just roll with it and enjoy reading. It’s rare now… but with kids at school and slower, less demanding life, those sleepless nights aren’t so bad as have the chance to sleep by day. May never take it but having the ability to makes all the psychological difference.

  11. MsMandie

    I’m with you. A new day, and the promise it brings – there’s a sign if ever I saw one.

  12. Naomi

    2.30am is my awake time. I wish it was later, so I could see those first rays of sun.

  13. Jess WhoaMamma

    Beautiful, Al. I love the Sun, it resonates with me. I’m a Leo and the Sun gives us strength (so they say..). I love Dawn and Dusk, the magical hours when the sun is in limbo, waiting to rise and fall, the golden light that shimmers and trembles. The Hope of a new day and a Fresh Start, full of Possibilities (sigh!) xxx

  14. Kel

    Fabulous post – gave me goosebumps 🙂

  15. thetaoofme.com

    I know those nights so well! Insomnia since I was a kid has taught me that I’m better of if I DO get up and write it down.

    Seeing a sunrise is a pretty rare thing for me. There is something magic about them though. :0)

  16. Cath

    Oh goodie, I’m not the only one who does this! The curse of the creative and sensitive and restless. I love the way you mention the sun rising. For me it is hearing the kookaburras and they way they “laugh” at the prospect of the new day, that brings hope.

    BTW, I often do get up and write it down, sipping a cup of chamomile tea before climbing back into bed – usually just in time for hubby’s 5.30am alarm to go off!

  17. lipgloss mumma

    Yes the sun always rises, sometimes though way too early. Like when it feels like I have only been in bed for five minutes and dearest has to get up at 5:45 which means I wake. Damn.
    Lovely post as always hon.

  18. Lyndal

    oh this is beautiful. I think everyone can identify with this – and you have just written it so perfectly.

  19. Breathe Chick

    Wow. I know that feeling. I’ve survived another night so I can live another day. Love it.

  20. Diminishing Lucy

    Oh Al. I was awake at 4.30 too. Waiting for some sun. xxx

  21. Paula

    Lovely! Can you explain to me what a “Fibro” is? I’ve been wondering!

  22. 4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle

    So glad I’m not the only one that thinks “I should get up and write things down” – and then doesn’t.

  23. Mum on the Run

    Sunrise, sunset – reminders that there is a simple rhythm to this here life – even when it feels erratic.
    🙂 x

  24. Nee Say

    I’m with Eden on the new day thing, but you are definitely right, things never seem so dire in the morning.

  25. edenland

    Holy shit Al that is a stunning set of words you got goin’ on there. Salt water welled in my eye.

    Seriously.

    I do not like it, when the sun comes in the morning. I always feel like, aww man, ANOTHER day? We just had one of those yesterday! But now after reading this, I will see the sun a bit differently. Not too much … but enough to let more hope in than I usually do.

    Thanks.

    And thanks so much for being Quick Draw McGraw on your linkup.

    ~end~

    • allison tait

      I see a new day as a new chance to do it better, get it right. And it burns the dark thoughts right out of my brain. As for the Quick Draw McGraw, it all just flowed out in one hit. Must have been my guardian angel… 🙂

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