Lumbering along like an elephant

Posted on May 19, 2011

Hey-dee-hey-dee-ho, the great big elephant is sooo slow…”
These were the words that went round and round in my head as I endured watched Water for Elephants at Fibrotown’s fabled cinema this evening. Two hours of Robert Pattinson attempting smouldering looks. Two hours of Reese Witherspoon looking like she wished she were somewhere else. Lots of shots of sunshine-tinged shots – Reese’s blonde bob, Robert’s three-day growth (looked stunning with a bit of golden light on it, trust me).

Nelly the elephant packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus...”
My mum always told me that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. So I will say this: Robert Pattinson is a very handsome man (despite his red hair). I can see how he would play the undead hero of Twilight very well.

The elephant was lovely.

The elephant sways from side to side, he’s terribly big and terribly wide...”
Other than the movie, which suffered, much as elephants probably do, from being way too long and inflated by gratuitous sunlight shots, I enjoyed my opportunity to get out of the Fibro with friends. Seeing a bad movie with friends is much better than seeing a good movie with friends – much more opportunity for loud asides and rustling of choc-top wrappers at inopportune moments. The great thing about the Fibrotown cinema on a weeknight is that you can have loudly whispered discussions about whether or not its sequins or nipple showing through Reese’s costume without disturbing a soul.

One grey elephant balancing, step by step on a piece of string.”
We tumbled out onto the footpath afterwards, wrapping ourselves in scarves and coats and hats, heading off to Fibrotown’s one cocktail bar for a bracing reviver. Our consensus on the film was delivered within 30 seconds: The elephant was lovely.

Have you seen a, er, disappointing movie lately? Do tell. 


  1. allison tait

    LOL Brenda. I agree that the depiction of the era was great – should have put that in my ‘something nice’ par. I think we should have gone to see it together – we would have had SO much to discuss afterwards. 😉

  2. Brenda @ Mira Narnie

    Ok – well i’ve popped over on your sisters recommendation after posting about how nice a movie it was! hmmm interesting. I read the book first – which i thought was great! I am a bit of a ‘old era’ nut and love anything set in the 1930’s so perhaps it appealed to me before it had a chance to appeal to me, if that makes sense. Maybe coz i read the book first, i had time to absorb the whole story. The author researched circus life in that time very thoroughly and I thought she did a great job depicting that. Ok, so i enjoyed the movie and i loved the book. It’s going great guns at the box office and nudging record breaking figures, so unlike all the other comments above, i know i;m not alone!
    Lucky we didn’t go see it together ;-))


  3. Frog, Goose and Bear

    Thanks for that. Just turned down and offer to see it today and it looks like I made the right decision! I think watching a disappointing movie is even more disappointing now that I have kids and have less opportunity to actually go to the movies!

  4. River

    I’ve been wondering if I should go and see this, now I know to wait until it’s on TV, then if I don’t like it I can change channels.

  5. MultipleMum

    I saw it on Tuesday and didn’t mind it. Geez! I must have been desperate huh? I think he is the most handsome man – shame about the acting and the droopy eyelids. I agree she looked completely bored but it was escapism and I didn’t mind. Nipples? I don’t remember nipples. I do remember thinking that she looks mighty fine for a Mum of two! x

  6. Vanessa

    Oh no, and The Movie Show raved about it. I really enjoyed the book which we read in bookclub last year. Went to see a movie this week too, Mrs Carey’s Concert. My review will be shown tomorrow.

  7. Life In A Pink Fibro

    @Fearful Girl – thanks for the warning! Anyone coming here on *that* search term will be sadly disappointed…


    I have to say though, the book is much greater than the movie. Some great moments from the book are not shown in the movie. 🙂


  9. Fearful Girl

    Oh no, you said ‘nipple.’ Be warned, you will be flooded with nipple-related SEO terms from now on. Believe me, I know. I rank #1 on Google for nipple-related search terms because I once blogged nipple.

  10. Tenille @ Help!Mum

    That’s a bugger, I was hoping this one might be good. I was ridiculously over excited to see johnny depp’s Willy Wanka. Meh.

  11. Phil & Bern

    Saw it on Wednesday. That was a beautiful elephant.

    Mine was Bran Nue Dae. I know everyone loved it but my girlfriend were inappropriately laughing throughout. Bursting into song always does strange things to me. I can’t handle it.

    You are so right, a bad movie with friends is great.

  12. Maxabella

    Sim’s comment totally cracked me up. I’m so using that one.

    I thought about the Elephant, but deemed it too… carny. And redheady. Now I’ve read your thoughts, I will definitely strike it off my list!

    No disappointing movies (yay!) I select very, very carefully these days. x

  13. Musing Mummy

    I think the main thing that ruined this film was a distinct lack of chemistry between Rob and Reese. It’s so unsatisfying when much loved books are turned into money-spinners with megastar leads who don’t really resemble the characters they’re meant to be portraying. I recently saw another film adaptation of a popular book -Never Let Me Go, and it was a better attempt.

  14. Cate Bolt

    I love elephants so much. I really wanted to see this until I got wind of the Animal Defenders video evidence of the animals being used in the video being savagely abused by their owners. Very, very sad.

    I don’t get to the movies very often, almost never actually, but I did take my older boys to the movies over the easter break to see Arthur which I loved to pieces and immediately wanted to go back in and watch it again. I am a massive fan though, he’s about the most attractive thing to ever walk the earth and he could say “pass me the salt” and I would think it was funny. So possibly a skewed review from me.

  15. biancawordley

    I’ve seen the press for that movie and Rob and Reece look like they hate each other!!

    The last movie I saw was Hot Tub Time Machine – very high brow. I LOVED it!

  16. Deer Baby

    Was there an elephant in the room? Did you forget it or did you tie a knot in a hankie?

    Why is an elephant big grey and wrinkled?

    Because if it was small, white and smooth it would be an aspirin.

    Been reading my son’s jokebooks again. No wild horses wouldn’t drag me to see that. Even if it meant a night out.

  17. Megan Blandford

    I enjoyed the book, so have decided to avoid the movie – I feared it might be as you have now confirmed!

  18. Catherine

    Thank you for confirming what I thought and saving me the $8. I did not like the book but contemplated seeing the movie and will take a pass now.

    Black Swan- hated it so that’s beyond disappointing. I was looking for psychological angst not full on psychosis and hideous special effects.

  19. therhythmmethod

    Such a shame, I was looking forward to this. I love me a gratuitous sunshine shot. Will probably spend the whole 90 minutes chewing over the Reese’s nipple/sequin conundum.
    I watched Brighton Rock and thought it was great (and odd – the main character PInky Brown is one sick puppy). Plus, lots of dramatic shots of Brighton and the southern English coast.

  20. todd carr

    I like your style Allison. Yeah, I try to avoid movies that cast animals in leading roles, I have a hard time connecting w/ them.

  21. Victoria

    I’ll be reading the book for our book club next month, so I’ll probably avoid the film. I was disappointed with Black Swan after all its hype as well. Sounds ike the cocktail was much needed!!

  22. Stacia

    I haven’t seen a movie at the theater in, oh, five years or so. And it sounds like my first one won’t be this one! I’m holding out for Bridesmaids.

  23. Jen

    I haven’t seen the movie, but I start to read the book, I couldn’t finish it. The author was a little crazy. Don’t think I’ll be seeing the movie 🙁

  24. thepowmill

    You are so right …and restrained. Here what I learned from experiencing too many bad movies and books .
    Don’t believe the trailer /book flap . It’s advertising (propaganda).
    Don’t listen to testimonials . These people are not you .
    It always comes down to do I risk it or not? I’ve have taken some bad risks in my tome .

  25. InkPaperPen

    We don’t have a cinema in town so I rarely see new movies these days. The Arts Centre does show movies on a big projector sometimes and the last I saw there was The Tourist. I love Mr Depp ordinarily but found this movie a little disappointing

  26. Cheers!

    I was afraid that the elephants might be the best part of that movie. Even in the previews it is obvious that the two leads don’t have good screen chemistry. Bummer. Good books rarely translate into better movies. I am a closet Twilight fan…shhh! I tapped into my inner teenager and read the books and was surprised at how much I enjoyed them. The subsequent movies have definitely been the biggest disappointment in recent movie history. I don’t hold out much hope for the last one coming out later this year. But, we are talking about a teenage love story with a vampire…I don’t know I would expect anything more. 😉

  27. Toni

    Well, Fabio regularly chooses dud DVDs, but we lashed out and went to the flicks to see the new Pirates movie today and it was fanTAStic – even though it cost us a small fortune, and that was without having to get a babysitter cos we went to a matinee. Guess I’ll be seeing more dud DVDs in the future….

  28. Mama of 2 boys

    Hehe, I like this post, clever. I had wondered if this movie was alot about the hype, a little about the substance.
    All I have to say is I CANNOT STAND that hideous The Hangover movie… I was urged (against my better judgement) by hubby to watch it… ergh, that’s 90 minutes I’ll never get back. And now… Part 2… A sequel!?!?
    I’m pretty sure we don’t need to see anymore, thanksverymuch!

  29. allison tait

    Yes, I had a similar reaction to that one @Christie.

  30. Christie - Childhood 101

    The last movie I saw was Black Swan and I was terribly disappointed! I often find that that is the way when a movie is surrounded by so much hype :S

  31. Sim

    My father in law says “if you don’t have anything nice to say,come sit next to me”!

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