I am officially a Soccer Mum

Posted on April 10, 2011

Mr7 has had a big week. In the past seven days he has quit guitar (yes, I’m devastated to be going solo, but there is good news – more about that later in the week) and taken up soccer. He has bright-yellow- and-black socks. Huge black shorts. A bright-yellow-and-black shirt of questionable polyester content. And, the piece de resistance (for him, anyway), bright-yellow-and-black boots. With what Mr4 would call Hunormous black shoelaces.

Team sports are a new world to me. I never did them as a kid. I was a five hours of ballet a week girl. No running. No bonding. No, God forbid, catching. I did join a basketball team once. My poor Dad was the coach. We were abysmal. No, correct that, I was abysmal. My idea of defence was to wait at the other end of the court in case of an interception. Heaven only knows what I thought I was going to do if the opposition actually came near me.

I suspect Mr7 is made of the same stuff. So far the most advanced part of his game is the Theatrics. In this area he could rival that French guy who took a dive and robbed us of our chance in the World Cup. (I think that’s the story… could be wrong.) He has been to three training sessions and played two games. At half time in the first game he came off, smiling, and said to his Dad, “Well, that was fun.” It was up to The Builder to break it to him, gently, that there was another half to go.

This week, he did get more involved. He got the ball twice (yes, I was thrilled). He took a kick-off, cunningly kicking it straight to the other team, rather than the expected move of passing it across the field to someone on his own team. Tactics, I tell you.

Most of the time, he bobs along about three metres behind the play, huffing and puffing, sighing and humphing, blowing his air from his eyes (yes, he needs a haircut – Justin Bieber may be able to play soccer with that fringe but mere mortals cannot), and, apparently, praying a lot that the ball stays well away. It’s all very entertaining, if not very effective.

I suspect it’s going to be a long season but, for now, I’m just happy he’s happy to go along. If only for the oranges.


  1. MultipleMum

    Go Mr7! Rockin’ it for Team V. I couldn’t get the Nug to sign up for soccer, so I started again myself! Love a ball sport – no bats for me though (that could sound very wrong…) x

  2. Tenille @ Help!Mum

    We spent a lot of time at soccer fields growing up; my brother played. Invest in a nice set of gloves, mittens and scarf for the cooler weekend mornings.

    I do love seeing the little guys play though. It is hilariously gorgeous to watch them in their oversized jerseys run around. Whenever we go to a rugby league game, one of my favourite parts is when the little guys come out for their turn in between games.

  3. River

    My dad used to play soccer; I played nothing. One of my sons tried football to please his dad, I think he lasted about a month. The younger son played basketball for a couple of years and did really well. Younger daughter played netball for a season until we moved interstate and discovered her new school didn’t accept players under 9 years. overall, we’re not really sporty, but my grandchildren have made up for that.

  4. Sarah

    I’m a hockey mum. We have oranges and a long season ahead of us too. What Mr Large lacks in skill he makes up for with boundless enthusiasm. This is not always a good thing when there are long sticks involved….

  5. Maxabella

    Since Max has thrown in the team-sporting towel, I’m glad there is a cousin to step in. That grass isn’t going to watch itself!! x

  6. Mrs Woog

    Yep – all you need now is a puffer vest and an ice-cream container of orange wedges. And a good alarm clock! x

  7. Meredith @ thinkthinks

    Ah, it wont be long until you join us World Cup groupies on twitter – cheering on the Socceroos at ludicrously early hours.

    My son retired from football this year – he was one year too old for the small-sided comps that they run now, which I think are much better. My daughter however is in her 7th year of netball – a sport I hated as a kid. It was all softball at old Sanctuary Pt Public back in the day – but when we moved to Newcastle netball was the game of choice. I have no idea of the rules beyond the basics, and am a little scared of the “netball mums”, but we are a low grade and the girls are all just there for fun, so it’s not too bad.
    Can live without freezing my tits off every Saturday morning though. Get yourself a beanie!

  8. Tracey from Central Coast Seachange

    I was a ‘soccer mom’ last year and thank god my son decided that he didn’t like it. Early morning starts, cold winter evening training…this year he’s doing BMX and seems to enjoying it much more than soccer.

    With soccer, he never got the idea that you weren’t meant to get the ball off your own team…no wonder they lost every week – no clue.

  9. allison tait

    So glad to see that I am not alone! And thanks Tracey for clearing up the French/Italian thing – this is indicative of my level of knowledge about soccer… yep, it’s going to be a loooooong season.

  10. Kez

    My 8yo has started under-10s AFL this year. He’s also the one huffing and puffing at the other end of the field. Apparently his position this week was “right back” – as I said, yep he was certainly “right back” from the ball 🙂

    But then I was never a team sports player either..

  11. Linda

    Yes, you’re a soccer mum. As am I.

    But I was *seriously* horrified when my son started last year as I had also just bought a new car.

    You wondered where to from here…? Like me, you too could become a ‘Volvo Driving Soccer Mom’ (ref: Everclear song, 2003).

    NOT something I ever pictured a few years back. (But to tell you the truth I love my Volvo and the soccer so they can take their stereotype and shove it.)


  12. Lucy

    We have avoided soccer. For NFL. All three start next term. It’s what the Captivator was invesnted for, apparently. Shudder.

    Solo on the guitar? I sense a story there.

    Is Mr 7 replacing guitar with any other musical stuff?

  13. Chantelle {fat mum slim}

    Yep. You’re a soccer mum. And this is just the beginning.

    Before long you’ll be yelling from the sidelines and swearing at the ref. x

  14. Victoria

    I became a Tennis Mum this past week!! My lovely boy will be playing 3 times a week now. I have never taken the slightest interest in the sport and had no clue how to play it at school, so now I really have catch up with all the lingo and stuff. How did this happen!

    Don’t the little lads look funny with their skinny legs sticking out the big shorts! Hope you guy gets a goal soon and you can cheer like crazy from the sidelines.

  15. Baby Buggy Boat

    We are obviously drowning in soccer from the day we are born here in the UK but I am very pleased to hear that it is being enjoyed on the other side of the world as well.

    I have to say though, the huge shorts; aren’t all shorts huge compared to the ones worn in Aussie Rules? I’m not saying it’s a bad thing!

  16. mamabook

    My children to date have been strictly no sport. But I played netball from age 7 on and loved it. Now that we are (sort of) settled I think it is time I too became a soccer mOM or basketball or archery (Mr11s request)… Ms8 just asked if she could start netball. Sadly, I think this is unlikely. She preferred this sport to basketball as she could see that the former involved far less running. That’s my girl!

  17. traceyb65

    as a soccer (“FOOTBALL!”) mum of 7 years standing, i welcome you. and gently mention that it was an Italian, not French, player who cost us that Cup (just in case anyone mentions it and you can be all knowledgeable).

    whilst my son showed his defensive strengths from the word go (in Under 5s!) by standing up the back *ahem* supporting his goalie â€Ļ 4 years later my daughter proved that is IS possible to wear shinpads and rock a pink-knitted beret, possibly not an official part of their playing strip!

    enjoy it, if you get a nice group of kids and some decent (non-insanely competitive) parents, it can be a lot of fun!


  18. Naturally Carol

    I have a video of mr m..my second son..lying down, taking it easy defending his goal! After a whole season of lolling around I was through with taking 3 sons to soccer at various times on a Saturday morning. This year mr 27 says that I ruined his sporting life by not taking him to soccer when he was on the winning team..haha..reality was the rest of the team won without his particular kind of help! Definitely a horizontal kind of player!!

  19. InkPaperPen

    i did a lot of team sports when I was a kid: t-ball, netball, basketball. Also did badminton, tennis and karate. i wasn’t exactly a natural at any of these but i got a lot out of it

    i think Mr 7 will too

    Gill xo

  20. Posie Patchwork

    Oh forgot to comment on soccer fashion, very questionable use of synthetic fibres indeed & those baggy shorts hide possibly the nicest athletic legs of all sportsmen, why?? I find it such a boring game & worse, the scary group/ mob mentality of the crowd, not something i would ever be a part of. Love Posie

  21. Posie Patchwork

    Oh yes, i played 4 team sports a year, plus the athletics team, non stop sport sport sport. My children are all super sporty, as per my husband too, but when my middle girl took up teeball aged 4 – she hit the ball but was horrified that she had to run around the bases too. My eldest took her hand & ran with her, when she came past home plate she was furious & said “i just want to hit the ball & someone else can run for me” which has fitted into her life with imaginery servants & cleaners. She’s now 10 & a state long distance runner, what can you do, clearly a diamond is just not far enough for her?? Love Posie

  22. Jodie at Mummy Mayhem

    Well, at least he didn’t do what my 7yo did in his first year of soccer – stand in the middle of the field, spinning around, head to the sky trying to catch the raindrops.


    Good luck. The soccer season is a looooooooong one, I tell ya.

  23. Joli

    My not quite so young son also started soccer wearing the same strip in under 6’s…. 14 years later he plays reserves/first grade but wears red & green…. It has been early Saturday’s … Wednesday nights and now Saturday afternoons… But a few of us Mums Dads & Grandparents are still there every week in winter and wouldn’t miss it for the world!!

  24. Lady Estrogen

    I was the opposite – I played EVERYTHING – except soccer. I hate soccer. I will be very sad if my boys fall in love with it as it’ll be pretty much the only sport I won’t be able to share in their love. Only time will tell 🙂

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